Clara Hindley

Expecting a loved one's death and hearing the actual news are completely different things. Even when you know it is coming, it can't fully prepare you for the moment you hear they are gone. My sweet Clara Hindley passed away yesterday.

Clara was my adopted grandmother. She is a widow in my ward that never had kids. Our family has been able to spend a lot of time with her over the years. We're not sure when it started, but for as long as I can remember we have gone to Clara's every Sunday for root beer floats. I really felt as close to her as I would with my grandmothers. She has been one of the biggest influences in my life.

Clara was 97 years old, and for the past year or two we have been expecting her death. She proved us all wrong and just kept on going. As this summer passed, I got more and more concerned that I might miss Clara's death while I was in Ukraine. 4 months is a long time and the chances seemed high. Even knowing this, and knowing how fast things went downhill the past few weeks, I still didn't think it would come this soon after I left.

I start teaching at 9 and I usually don't get my computer out until after classes. But yesterday morning I needed it and as I opened it at 8:55 I saw the skype message. "Sarah, Clara passed at 10:10 p.m. Mom was at her side". It couldn't be real. Something I've anticipated for years now. News I've often wondered how I would react to. It happened. Less than two hours ago. Minutes before I had said my morning prayer and asked a blessing upon Clara, that she may go peacefully when the time is right.

Going straight into class was probably a blessing so I could get my mind on something else until I had the time to grieve. I truly was happy for Clara. She has been wanting this for so long. But that doesn't take away from the feelings of loss. Yesterday was a different day for me here in Ukraine. I was more quiet, more thoughtful. My family has gone through many deaths together before: my brother, grandmother, great grandparents. But this time is different. They are not here to mourn with me. I'm alone halfway across the world, not coming back anytime soon. The loneliness felt even more real as I walked down crowded streets, rode on metros, with millions of people. People speaking fast in a foreign tongue that I don't think I'll ever understand. The tears came and went throughout the day. My heart longed to be home, with my family. To have been with them the last time they were with her. To be with them now to mourn together. But I am here. Only 3 weeks in. I've been left with questions of why this couldn't have happened just weeks before so I didn't have to miss this.

Yesterday was a solemn day. But a very sacred one too. I felt so alone, but then I knew I wasn't. The wave of peace that washed over me and held me tight is one I will not forget. I realized how truly blessed I am. How blessed I am to know Clara and for every memory I have with her. Thinking of my parent's example of service, always willing to put Clara first, even when it wasn't easy. The sure knowledge I have that I will see Clara again someday. The testimony I have that I am not alone, even in this big city of Kiev away from everything familiar. I know I am blessed.

I will never forget the hours we spent with sweet Clara. Every Sunday we would sit on the kitchen floor reading the Sunday Funnies. Jared and Levi passing out the bendy straws. Clara slowly making her way with the walker to her chair. Dad scooping the ice cream quietly and mom trying to keep Jared still. Clara always worried that we didn't have enough ice cream. I will never forget all the years I helped her with the Christmas decorations. Going up and down the stairs a million times because she wouldn't let me carry more than one box at a time. I will never forget the times we Christmas carolled and she invited everyone inside to get warm and give us treats. I will never forget how elegant Clara was. She was always dressed up and looking beautiful. I will never forget the time she bent over smashing a wasp into the carpet with a fly swatter over and over while Dad did a dance to the beat in the background and Levi laughed so hard chocolate was spilling out of his mouth. I will never forget walking into her bedroom and seeing my senior picture on her dresser and knowing how much she loved me. I will never forget her example of generosity. The way she opened her home to our loud family all the time. I will never forget her sweet little laugh. I will never forget July 15, the birthday she shared with my dad. I will never forget Clara coming to my Clayton Middle School plays. I will never forget being excited to turn older each year, knowing Clara would give me birthday money equal to my age. I will never forget the night she had me share my experiences from India with the widows in the ward in her home. I will never forget seeing her in her chair in the living room, often very quiet and observing everything we did. I will never forget her saying "Oakcrest, you didn't like that as much as you thought you would," because she saw how hard it was for me. She was so honest and never afraid to say what she thought. I will never forget her asking about everything in my life and knowing she truly cared. I will never forget her joining my family and grandparents for our traditional Christmas Eve dinners. Watching her across the table next to my Grandma and Grandpa West, she was apart of the family. I will never forget walking home barefoot from her house with my family always leaving happier. I will never forget listening to her tell me about her family and her youth. I will never forget the way she would talk about her husband, smiling and saying "He was a wonderful man." I will never forget the wisdom she possessed so quietly and humbly after living 97 years. I will never forget the sacred evening we got to share with her when she received her patriarchal blessing at 96 years old. The spirit was so strong as Heavenly Father spoke to her through the power of the priesthood. I will never forget going to her house and sharing my own patriarchal blessing and the way she so quietly and slowly said "Well, He has got a lot in store for you." I will never forget the time she fell and the emergency line called our house and I was the only one home. To scared to lift her myself, she laid in my lap on the floor for about an hour before more help arrived. The whole time she was more worried about my comfort than her own. I will never forget the times she was so sick and didn't want anything more than for me to just sit there and hold her hand. I will never forget her telling me how beautiful I am. I will never forget talking to Dad about how we thought my brother and sister, Mark and Elizabeth, would meet her on the other side when the time came. I will never forget walking into her room and waking her up to come join us. The way it took her a second to know what was going on and then her face lighting up and saying "Well Sarah, I'm so glad you are here." I will never forget Clara's example of enduring to the end with patience. She never complained about the pain. She did absolutely everything she still could for herself. She endured and stayed faithful for so many years. I will never forget her smile. I will never forget her hugs and the way she would grab my hand with both of hers saying, "Well I sure do love you."

I am so blessed to have an amazing woman like Clara in my life. I'm so grateful to have these memories of her. I'm grateful for the way she brought my family together. I'm grateful for her love and example. I'm grateful to know she is in a better place, finally reunited with her husband and family. I always knew Clara was such a big part of my life, but I don't know if I have ever felt it more than I do now. Clara, thank you so much for everything you have taught me. Thank you for filling my family's lives with your love and light. Thank you for changing my life. I sure do love you.