до свидания

Today was the last day of teaching. Guess what happened. Half of our kids didn't show up. Even after parents had called and said they weren't coming, I kept hoping they would. I would hear a small sound and light up getting hopeful it was the front door opening. It never was. At first I was angry at the parents for not letting their sick kids come and for blaming heavy traffic. I am so heartbroken that I not only have to leave these kids, but I didn't even get a goodbye. I didn't know that yesterday was our last day.

Now I've been thinking...maybe this was better. Yesterday was so happy. The party was perfect. Every kid came. There were no meltdowns or fights. The hard kids finally showed that they don't need strikes because they can follow the rules. And it was fun. Their faces lit up with each new toy they pulled out of their stocking. They were giggling and squealing hitting the pinata. It was a magical day! And I made sure to give them each the tightest hugs and kisses on the cheek and said "I love you!" plenty of times. So what is there to be upset about? I've had all semester to show them I love them. I didn't need today to implant that in their brains. They should know how much I love them by now if I've done my job right. Maybe this ending is the best one. A happy one. I really have loved all my sad goodbyes in my life. The day I said goodbye to my kids in India still remains one of the hardest and best days of my life. I remember crying uncontrollably the whole last night of Oakcrest. I always become attached to the chapters of my life. And no matter how excited I am for the next one, no matter how hard it was, even if I was ready for it to end, I have this painful, heartaching, heartbreaking goodbye. And as much as I hate that about myself, I am also glad I'm like that. I'm grateful I can love the things I do so deeply that it hurts me so much to leave them. I've entered the hurting stage the past few days. I'm so incredibly sad to leave this place and these people. I will never be able to describe how much I love them. So maybe it was a tender mercy that the kids weren't all here today. Maybe I didn't need a dramatic goodbye this time. Maybe this is the perfect way to leave. Instead of having a memory of that final goodbye to hold in my heart, I have all the little moments of joy to store there. I have a whole semester full of memories of love. It didn't have to happen today, it's been happening this whole time. Genya, Illia, Marina, Katya, Alex, and Misha all know I love them. And I know they love me. Leaving them is still hard. But I'm just remembering how happy they've made me. And that is the goodbye I want to remember.

On a totally different topic...I'm DONE packing! Why have I been a procrastinator my whole life? Finishing something 3 days early instead of the last hour feels fantastic.

Trying to squeeze it all in

It is here. The last week. And already half way over. I can't believe it. This can't be real. And I don't know how to feel. Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to come home, really. But I am getting really sad to leave this wonderful place and mostly just to leave these people. My heart is hurting and I don't really want to talk about it. But I do want to put some pictures of what has been happening this week.

We've already had to say a few of our goodbyes.

Our last Russian lesson with our teacher Tania. She wished us the best and told us to "just remember someday when you are sad that once somebody liked you far far away." Classic woman. I'm pretty sure I now know more Russian than 3 years of high school Spanish.

Our last institute lesson. Here is our little class consisting of a few ILP girls and some native Ukrainian men.

Sister Valentina, our teacher. One of the most sincere loving people I have ever met.

The Harshbargers. They are one of my hardest goodbyes here. Clark, Chelsea, and Pearce were here with the FBI for about as long as we were. They left on Monday. Laria and I have become so close to this cute little family. We hang out there a few times a week and sleepover at least once a week. Luckily I know I can see them again in America.

Eating popcorn and enjoying Netflix with Pearce.

Our Ukrainian family photo in front of the temple.

Trying to kiss Pearce on the cheeks didn't work out as planned. But isn't he adorable?

I haven't said goodbye to my room yet, but I will have to very soon. I adore this room and I figure it is time to show you some pictures of it.

This is the bookshelf wall across from my bed. Isn't it beautiful! I started counting once and I passed 100 on the first shelf so I stopped. I will miss waking up to this each morning.

I probably won't miss the hay in my mattress. Can you see it?

These pictures were taken in the beginning when it was still sunny. But look at my view. I will miss sitting out there playing my ukulele and contemplating life!

Our awkward self timer picture trying to capture us on the beds. Do you like the carpet on the wall?

This eagle on top of the closet stares down at me each night. The apartment is full of odds and ends.

What a typical night looks like journaling and scripture studying on my little bed. I love this room!

There is one thing I'm looking forward to leaving....these cats!

We've been trying to squeeze in things we haven't gotten to yet. Laria's dad is a firefighter and she's been dying to go to a station. Luckily we had our friend Lera to translate and they let us in! She ended up translating for a french man that showed up. A 15 year old translating for 3 languages was the coolest thing to witness! She is awesome! And so was the firestation!

We even got to slide down the firefighter poles wearing their coats!

Today we had our big class party/performance for the parents. It has been stressful and taken lots of planning, but it was so worth it! The party was perfect! The theme was "Christmas Around the World." We traveled in our airplane and flew to different countries to play Christmas games.

Here are our cute little stockings we made this week hanging by our fireplace. Thanks for the hot glue gun in the package mom! We couldn't have made these without it!

I did my very first paper machete project and made a pinata for the party! We must've done too many layers because even the parents couldn't break it with the bat!

We were told the kids would come dressed up to the party. We were thinking they meant Sunday best by dressing up. No, they literally meant "dress ups". We were shocked when Misha walked in as Spiderman. And even more shocked when Illia came in a classic homeade Spongebob costume! Genya and Marina were both decked out as princesses. And Katya and Alex just found some masks we had lying around the school.

Gathering all the pinata prizes! Looks like Halloween with all these costumes.

All the kids and our coordinator Nelia.

My beautiful princess Genya!

And a few shout outs.

Levi: This is Marina. She saved up her tokens to buy this prize! The toy that you so kindly donated to my prize pile. Do you remember it? It is in good hands and she loves it. Thanks bud!

Rachael....this is for you. You know why!

4 days. See you all soon!

Goodnight! Sleep Tight!

My little Ukrainian bed has brought me two surprises recently. Surprise number one. I found out a few days ago that my bed is made of hay. Real hay. The reason I never noticed was because I have a thin pad on top of it. The other day I lifted that pad up to find three couch cushions full of hay. That would explain all the hay pieces under my bed. I don't know what I thought they were before. Awesome, I've slept on hay for over 3 months and never noticed. Surprise number two. I started organizing my stuff to pack (ah!) and when I pulled my black boots out from under the bed (now gray from cat hair/dust bunnies) I decided to do some cleaning. I don't think my host mom has ever cleaned under that thing because I have never seen so much dust! Well I took some toilet paper and started reaching around under there. When I reached in the top corner at the foot of my bed I pulled out a wonderful sight. A bunch of dead maggots! Or weevils....or whatever you call them. Just a bunch of little bugs! Luckily dead! But still. That would confirm the worries I had about bed bugs. When I first got here I had bites all over my legs, but they went a way for a while. More recently I've gotten a few on my stomach. GROSS. Proof that ignorance is bliss. Thank goodness I discovered this my last week, not my first! "Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!" finally has actual meaning in my life.

Odessa

We had a couple days off of school for Thanksgiving so we headed to Odessa! Odessa is in the southern part of Ukraine bordering the Black Sea. This was our first vacation that we didn't really have a plan. Just three girls, train tickets, and an address to a nearby fortress we wanted to visit. I think that was my favorite part. Just going for it and seeing where we ended up! The trip was awesome and the perfect way to spend Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving day we just explored and went to a port by the Black Sea.

That is the Black Sea!

Laria had seeing this adorable lighthouse on her Ukraine bucket list months before we came. Check!

There were some jellyfish in the water!

These stairs are really famous in Odessa. If you count the correct number as you go up them you can make a wish at the top. 192 steps!

We had Thanksgiving dinner at a Ukrainian cafeteria style restaurant! Salad, mashed potatoes(kinda made this a legitimate Thanksgiving meal), Virinki(my favorite Ukrainian food ever! In love!), and some weird cheese chicken.

Then we went back to the hotel and relaxed the rest of the night. We wrote a list of things we were grateful for in our journals. Having Thanksgiving far from home let's you see a lot more things you are grateful for. Even though I missed being with my family, I felt so so blessed.

The next day we found a little bus to take us to the fortress in a town called Belgorod Dnistrovsky. The town is 2500 years old! The fortress was unbelievable! I have to admit, it might be my favorite thing I've seen in all of Europe! The fortress was built in the 1300s. It is right on the edge of a huge river and it was beautiful! When little boys are playing sword fights, this is the setting they are imaging. Coolest place ever. And there was basically no one else there, besides a few brides having photo shoots. We had so much fun exploring!

There used to be a moat there. A moat!!

These are the tiny walkways on the wall we used to explore.

See little me and Laria climbing along!

There was place you could make replicas of the money used in the ancient city. The man let us try to hit it, but the hammer is a lot heavier then it looks!

The finished product

Is this real life?

Laria and I had a little scripture study at the top overlooking everything. We just happened to be on Alma 49, a chapter all about fortresses! It was so crazy to read about them being explained as we were looking around at the top of one! It really made the Book of Mormon come to life. One of my favorite experiences.

Kalley (my roommate) and I

The fortress was breathtaking. I wish I could take you all there because it is one of my favorite places on earth!

And look at this awesome elevator at our hotel. Oldest elevator ever. You close all the doors yourself. Pretty scary. But awesome!